here is a very long post with comments from women which shows you exactly what theyre really looking in a man. THEY WANT A FUCKING ALPHA MALE WHO CAN MAKE THEM SUBMISSIVE AND HOW THEY LOVE BEING SPANKED BY AN ALPHA MALE.FOR ALL THE FEMINISTS AND AFCS OUT THERE: THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU.
this opened my eyes. i hope you will enjoy it AND FUCK SOCIAL CONDITIONIG!!
Woman whisperer
Single men sometimes say that they would never countenance marrying a resistant woman, and that what they are looking for is a meekly obedient, submissive woman. When they meet a strong, spirited high-dominance woman who is not meekly, sweetly submissive from the outset, they write her off and move on to the next woman.
Perhaps these men don't want a Taken In Hand relationship, as it appears, but if they do, then rejecting all these women may be a huge mistake. Taken In Hand inclined women are not generally meekly submissive by default, but they do want to be brought to submission by the right man. And when they have been mastered by the right man, many of them precisely blossom into the peaceful, obedient, even submissive woman that these men are looking for.
The Taken In Hand wife you might see serenely gliding about the room so meekly submissively serving her beloved husband as you dine together at their home was probably very different when they first met. At that time, she was probably wilful, proudly independent, and might well have been appalled had anyone suggested that she might one day serve and submit to a man. But the man she married kindly, calmly, firmly, submitted her. As their relationship progressed, his active control of her brought her to submission – to that serene submissive state you see her in now. And if there is ever any need for further action to keep her in hand, her husband will act, bringing her back into submission. And this is precisely what makes their home so enviably serene. Were her husband not prepared to take the necessary action to actively control her on an on-going basis, she would never have been able to reach her current state of peaceful submission.
Taken In Hand women need a man who does not resent (or indeed reject altogether!) the idea of on-going action to control her. All single men wanting a Taken In Hand relationship need to understand this. To expect a woman to be meekly obedient at the very start of a relationship, before you have even got married, is unrealistic. It also guarantees that no Taken In Hand woman will want you, because it appears that you are not very take-charge, and that you have no heart for the reality of actually controlling her in real life.
I was watching Dog Whisperer the other day. For those who don't know, it is a TV programme that follows dog behaviourist Cesar Millan as he meets unbalanced, troublesome or disturbed dogs and their owners and, using his kind, gentle, firm, calm assertiveness, he – as he puts it – rehabilitates dogs and trains people. He helps owners to become calm assertive pack leaders able to submit their dogs into a calm submissive state. No dog is too difficult for Cesar Millan to handle. No matter how severe the case, no matter how aggressively dominant the dog is, Cesar calmly, confidently, and with gentle firmness puts the dog into a calm submissive state and brings balance to the dog-owner relationship. At the end of the process, a dangerous ‘red zone’ ultra-aggressive, dominant dog is now a peaceful, happy, submissive dog that obeys its owner.
When a single man says that he wants a meekly submissive woman rather than one who needs to be taken in hand and brought to submission, I find myself thinking of Cesar Millan, and asking myself what would happen if Cesar Millan were to decide that he would only deal with dogs that are already meekly submissive.
Women, like dogs, can be brought to that peaceful, happy submissive state of balance and serenity. A woman loves only her master – the one who has mastered her and brought her to submission – the one who masters her.
If you are a man in search of a woman with whom to have a Taken In Hand relationship, and you reject any woman who isn't meekly submissive by default – anyone who needs to be taken in hand and mastered – you almost guarantee that you will never be able to create a Taken In Hand relationship. Instead, enjoy and welcome the process of mastering the wonderful spirited woman you meet who is not in the slightest bit submissive but who wants a Taken In Hand relationship. It is that very woman who may ultimately be the most deeply submitted to you.
Sarah
Taken In Hand Tour start | next
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Have you seen the following articles?
The subjection of women
Are you the Conan the Barbarian type?
Asserting dominance physically forcefully
A high-dominance woman taken in hand
Being with a stronger man allows a strong woman to relax
Bonded by rape
Brought to submission
The resistant woman
A mysterious compulsion to obey
Alpha male dominance
2008 May 10 - 15:37 | add new comment | latest article | previous article | next article | permanent link
Hear! Hear!
A woman with intelligence, character, and valor is often difficult to bring to heel, but well worth the effort. Her harnessed energy propels the couple through life.
by a Taken In Hand reader on 2008 May 10 - 17:24 | reply to this comment
Excellent
Your timing for this article could not have been better. Thank you.
by a Taken In Hand reader on 2008 May 10 - 21:31 | reply to this comment
Careful not to generalise
"To expect a woman to be meekly obedient at the very start of a relationship, before you have even got married, is unrealistic."
With respect, Sarah, this is a generalisation. A man may expect what he wishes, just as we, as women, may expect from a man what it is that we seek.
by Alba on 2008 May 10 - 22:35 | reply to this comment
THANK YOU!
Thank you SO much for this article! As a willful, independent woman it is difficult to find a man willing, confident, and strong enough to get my attention and respect. I WANT someone to reel me into submission. I want the strong man with a quiet dominance!
by Barbara on 2008 May 11 - 00:16 | reply to this comment
I think this is the one time
I think this is the one time in my life that I do not mind being compared to a dog. :-)
by a Taken In Hand reader on 2008 May 11 - 04:44 | reply to this comment
Abso-dog gone-lutely
I watch that show too, and have often seen the correlation to taken in hand relationships. I have watched with a sort of sad fascination the stagnation in the "personals" section of Taken In Hand. One would have hoped there would have been tons of men standing in line to find us. The not so obvious women to a taken in hand relationship. The strong, independent, and to the outside world, dominant females. But we wait, our hand outstretched in friendship for the dance to begin.
LateToTheGate
by Hane on 2008 May 11 - 15:52 | reply to this comment
A question
Whether you like it or not, the kind of men that you are looking for want a version of a "meekly obedient, submissive woman" and you need to show that you have this capacity first, before you start to resist. Once you show that you have feminine qualities and the potential to be a helpmate and a life partner, that you have the qualities that these men find valuable, they will be willing to make the necessary personal investment, and will enjoy subjugating you.
Many of you also seem to be under the delusion that a real man, who spends his days subjugating his environment, desires to be in frequent conflict with a woman who is much less formidable than she imagines, and maybe more annoying than she realizes. (And I am not talking about sexual conquest at all, DeeMarie. I agree with a lot of what you have written.)
Yes, showing you who is in control, from time to time, is necessary and fun. But very few of us are looking for a lifestyle defined by "resistance." We are looking for feminine women who want, and are able, to be our complement.
And while women often proclaim that they are more "emotionally intelligent," men are not the ones marrying "bad boys" with the expectation that they can be "changed." When we see a wannabe man, our first reaction isn't to think "gee, let me waste my time and risk my sanity trying to change this fembot into someone who will enhance my life."
by a Taken In Hand reader on 2008 May 12 - 05:22 | reply to this comment
Brilliant!!!
What an excellent article! I could not agree more. I have stated previously that I have experienced life in other countries where the rules of courtship where the same as a hundred years ago. I believe whole-heartedly in the feminist movement and believe that it was a political necessity only because of the lack of philosophical guidance that we current manifest in our Western culture. It was necessary to create a straw man because our culture had been so dumbed down that it could no longer understand the struggle was between good and evil and not men and women.
Ayn Rand has been reviewed here and a recent re-reading of her philosophical non-fiction works underlines the idea that the arts and letters of Western culture have suffered such a demise in the past 150 plus years that we are reduced to a state where men and women no longer naturally communicate in a primal instinctual fashion and no longer consider it necessary. Wooing a woman is as obsolete as craftsmanship and clean water. It is a culture of instant breakfast and fast food and the process that is necessary in courship has been defined in terms of modern iconography that is so alien to the original metaphors it is extinct and unrecognizable, useable and therefore unknowable to the majority and there is in the best of us a longing that is a remnant.
This century has occupied itself with the professional shaming of men; they are shamed and thought of as idiots for the same qualities that made them heroes a short time ago. The intellectualization of the male has made him feel embarrassed for experiencing the emotions that where a part of the human heart/mind for centuries. The masculine process of mastering the inner and outer world surrounding him his now considered foolish and yet at one time this was a pleasure the radiated from the inner being to the outer pores; the essence of mastering the world created a harmony and the process was a pleasure, honorable behavior was a pleasure, courtesy, dignity and a courtship of elegant giving, all these things a great pleasure.
Just as excessive manners, elegant dress, and the other rules have been banned so has the masculine embracing of courtship largely been banned and the men who engage in it are shammed and often pay a great price for their ethics. The cliché of the Good Samaritan is now considered a fool, if you see a crime, run and don’t get involved, don’t fight for what you believe in because in an existential world there is no reason to believe. There is no need to get dressed up, it is dress down, and when your neighbor visits a chair is enough.
Not so under the umbrella of Philosophy which survived the worst of plagues only to be obliterated by the industrial revolution and the contemporary mediocrity of egalitarianism that has been the most powerful tool of destruction we have ever witnessed.
by a Taken In Hand reader on 2008 May 12 - 15:58 | reply to this comment
Dont settle girls
Great article! Shame about this comment:
Whether you like it or not, the kind of men that you are looking for want a version of a "meekly obedient, submissive woman"
Try again. You can't read our minds. If you could you would know that what *I* wanted was a man that would take me in hand and subjugate me like the article said. I rejected all the lazy dom wannabes that came my way and stayed single until I met a real man - one that had the balls and the drive to conquer and submit me. HIM I married and we are more in love than ever.
Don't settle for the weak submissive selfish lazy dom who's into himself, girls. There's men out there that PREFER girls like us.
One more thing: not all men want a prissy feminine girl, some prefer a hard-working tough girl. Like my husband said, he likes a challenge - it's more fun and interesting.
Why would I want a man that doesn't like a challenge?
I wouldn't. I need a man that's dominant to the core, not one that just likes to pretend he is. Boy did I get that in my husband. He has me well in hand. I asked him if he's prefer me to wear girl clothes all the time and he said no way, and that I look cute whatever I wear. He sees the girl in me that needed his firm hand even if wannabe doms don't.
Don't give up the dream, girls. Whether you're a very feminine resistant girl or a tom boy like me, there's men out there that don't want a meek submissive sweet submissive girl, and you won't attract those men if you're playing the sweet little thing.
PS I can't remember the last time I disobeyed my husband. I worship the ground he walks on and I show him that every day.
by a Taken In Hand reader on 2008 May 12 - 18:40 | reply to this comment
Reply to anonymous comment
Whether you like it or not, the kind of men that you are looking for want a version of a "meekly obedient, submissive woman"
No, Taken In Hand women want the equivalent of a man like Cesar Millan, who can see that the dog he trains will make a wonderful pet once brought to submission, they don't want a man who is unable to see the reality of what is possible.
There are of course plenty of men (in the Ds community at any rate) who want only women who are meekly obedient and submissive from the outset, but this is the Taken In Hand site, not a Ds site, and the name Taken In Hand implies that the woman is not necessarily in hand from the outset. In general, my advice to other Taken In Hand women is to avoid like the plague men who expect meek obedience in the absence of the full commitment of marriage (let alone from the first meeting) because these men tend to have narcissistic personalities and in some cases antisocial tendencies too, and such individuals make very poor husbands. (And yes, I would advise men to avoid personality disordered women too, for the same reason.)
you need to show that you have this capacity first, before you start to resist.
That doesn't really make sense, does it? Why would you start to resist later? To suggest resisting later makes it sound as though you are talking about playing a fantasy sex game, but Taken In Hand is not a fantasy, it is about being controlled and taken in hand in reality. And in what sense would the man have taken you in hand if you are already in hand?
A relationship does not spring into life fully formed, it grows and develops. A man who expects a woman to act as though there is full commitment when there isn't, is erring on the side of self-serving narcissism. A woman who throws herself into being meekly submissive with each man she meets is either failing to take care of herself and her feminine feelings, or she doesn't have feminine vulnerability in the first place, in which case she is hardly the feminine woman allegedly sought. Women with Taken In Hand inclinations take the whole thing a lot more seriously and a lot less casually. They don't willy nilly submit to men they meet, they wait until they have found the right man. And the rightness of a man does not become obvious immediately, necessarily. It can take time for a man's rightness to become clear, just as it can take time for a man to become convinced that a given woman is the right woman for him. Each can see the potential in the other, but there still needs to be a process of checking and learning more. Caution is advisable on both sides, and that means not throwing oneself into perfect submission. A man who doesn't approve of this very sensible period of slowly getting to know the other person without getting caught up and bonded in submission, is one who is insufficiently concerned about the wellbeing of the woman he is getting to know.
This is not to say that during this time there is no sign that the woman is one who will respond well to control on the part of the man. But there is a big difference between that and being meekly submissive from the outset with every man she meets. (And some men actually like the fact that their wife is submissive only to them!)
Once you show that you have feminine qualities and the potential to be a helpmate and a life partner, that you have the qualities that these men find valuable, they will be willing to make the necessary personal investment, and will enjoy subjugating you.
Whoa! You are assuming that the resistant Taken In Hand woman has not shown that she has these qualities. That assumption is unfounded. If the woman appears to have no potential as a life partner to the man then obviously the man should reject her. But you are assuming that only if she is meekly obedient and submissive will she appear to the man to have qualities that would make a wonderful helpmate. That may be true for some men, but in that case they need to find a woman on a Ds site, not the Taken In Hand site. It is not true for all men. Many men on this site are perfectly capable of seeing what Taken In Hand women can become with the right man. Actually that is not quite the right way for me to put it. It is not that she can become that way. She is already that way, but only with the right man and only in a fully committed relationship.
Many of you also seem to be under the delusion that a real man, who spends his days subjugating his environment, desires to be in frequent conflict with a woman who is much less formidable than she imagines, and maybe more annoying than she realizes.
If she is so much less formidable than she imagines, how is it that taking her in hand and submitting her seems such an onerous task? Why wouldn't a man enjoy doing so, like Cesar Millan does with dogs? (See also the wonderfully insightful articles by Noone.) Moreover, to suggest that not being meekly obedient and submissive means being in frequent conflict with the man is a mistake. Being a high-dominance woman does not imply unpleasant conflict, it just means that she is not meekly submissive by default.
Yes, showing you who is in control, from time to time, is necessary and fun. But very few of us are looking for a lifestyle defined by "resistance."
In my article I tried to make that very point: Taken In Hand women do not want a life filled with conflict, they want to be conquered, taken in hand, controlled and submitted by the right man, and once thus conquered and in the safety of marriage, they are so peaceful, reverent, and serenely submissive and obedient, that you might well assume that they were meekly submissive from the outset. The man Taken In Hand women want is one who knows that that is possible, and who has the confidence and the ability to attain that. For it is that kind of man who makes a Taken In Hand woman feel safe to let go and submit.
And while women often proclaim that they are more "emotionally intelligent,"
I did not say that. Nor have I ever thought it, I assure you.
by Sarah on 2008 May 12 - 22:59 | reply to this comment
Playing?
What right has anyone to say that men who prefer not to have to fight their women are 'wannabe doms'? Some may be shallow and strutting (which is as loathsome as 'playing' the sweet card and sheathing your claws until he's fallen for the softer act), I realise, but hands up who's read the article(s) on this site about 'commanding presence'? I personally have no wish to fight a truly commanding presence – to me that's the whole point, but I accept that people see things differently. Each to his own surely?
by Alba on 2008 May 12 - 23:09 | reply to this comment
Many men who present themselv
Many men who present themselves as dominant are actually only taking a free ride on the last vestiges of patriarchy, in that they are not inherently dominant but rely on the privileges that were accorded to them purely because of their gender. Such men are often only able to deal with the abased or subjugated woman as they are not capable of leading any capable woman into a commanding relationship.
I have always told my children that if they want an exciting partner they should get out and go to the places where exciting people go...
Capable dominant men don't have to go around looking for submissive women because quite simply men and women will recognise the social hierarchy that surrounds such a person and respond appropriately. However when people enter into a relationship the commanding man will be able to negotiate the way to the Taken In Hand as part of the evolving trajectory of the relationship...
by a Taken In Hand reader on 2008 May 13 - 11:55 | reply to this comment
A few thoughts
The “Woman whisperer” article was excellent.
And, as The Editor said, in reply to some of the comments that seemed to veer off into misunderstanding:
A Taken In Hand relationship is a wholehearted sexually exclusive marriage in which, to the delight of both spouses, the man actively controls the woman. The degree of control and the way the husband retains control vary from Taken In Hand couple to Taken In Hand couple, but in all cases both husband and wife actively want the husband to have the upper hand. No matter how strong, tough and forceful a Taken In Hand wife may be, and no matter how hard she might try to take control in their marriage, she would be aghast if her husband were to let her get the upper hand. Likewise, no matter how loving, kind and considerate the husband may be, he prefers to keep his wife firmly in hand.
Yes, exactly. The husband must have the ability and desire to actively control his woman.
But his capabilities and nature aren’t determined by the amount or type of controlling that a particular woman turns out to need, which wasn’t actually specified, anyway (“No matter how …”).
For some men, subjugating a woman (separate from sexual conquest, and with consent) is an important end unto itself, so significant resistance could be essential. But, if such control is mostly a means to create and maintain a stable relationship so that other experiences can be explored, a less resistant woman may be more appropriate.
Some women have to be taken further to arrive at submission, while others are already mostly in hand, but the end result of Taken In Hand is that the man will end up with a woman who is submissive, in one sense or another.
And a woman who is mostly sweet can also have a need to be controlled, but in different ways than a more resistant woman, and often for different reasons as well. So we need to see that there can be various motivations for subjugation, and separate them from the effects that it can have on women with different personalities.
And we especially need to notice that words such as “sweet,” “spirited,” and so on can have very different meanings to different people, and that they are not mutually exclusive. Sweet women are also far from perfect, just like everyone else, so we really should stop reacting as if “sweet” were a synonym for “better.”
And just because a woman is naturally submissive doesn’t mean that she will throw herself at just anybody. She may carefully select and test her man, and then jump to whatever level of submission is appropriate for her, at that time and with that person. She may prefer, for example, to resist only in a way that inspires sexual conquest, while simply enjoying peace and security in other parts of her relationship, which still requires her man to be actively in control.
In any case, Taken In Hand exists as a continuum for both men and women, and if the basic ideas of Taken In Hand apply to us, we belong here and can learn from each other, as long as we accept that we don’t know everything and work to understand what other people are actually trying to say. We should ask questions to clarify what is vague, instead of jumping to conclusions, becoming offended and then yelling at each other.
by John on 2008 May 13 - 16:11 | reply to this comment
Chicken and egg
"Taken In Hand women need a man who does not resent (or indeed reject altogether!) the idea of on-going action to control her."
Indeed he needs to need as part of his erotic mind set and hard wiring to exercise some active control (for me).
I only feel submissive when I am dominated but some dominant men don't feel they can dominate until they see some submission - difficult chicken and egg situation sometimes for me.
by Hera on 2008 May 13 - 18:22 | reply to this comment
"Some men don't feel they can dominate until they see some submi
"some dominant men don't feel they can dominate until they see some submission"
To submit imples submitting to something. Submission to what? How is it possible in the absense of the man taking charge or dominating/controlling her?
Only in the human race would such a male ever be called dominant. In the animal kingdom being dominant means dominating, not being unable to do so until the other animal expresses submission. In the animal world the dominant animal makes the others submit.
A man that can't be dominant unless the woman is meekly submissive is simply not very dominant, he's not a man that will take charge or take control of her.
Conversely, to dominate does not imply that the individual dominated was bevaving submissively prior to being dominated/submitted. The dominant animal's position is often challenged and he puts down all challengers to retain his position.
by a Taken In Hand reader on 2008 May 13 - 21:29 | reply to this comment
Slight misunderstanding
I have posted for over a year using first a different name and then anonymously before registering as Alba (and during this time John has also written some extremely useful advice to me about a situation with which I'm still struggling), but throughout I have always understood that there are some readers who didn't see themselves as actively putting up resistance to a man. (I consider myself submissive, and that's all I mean by the word 'submissive' - getting an erotic thrill from complying with a man's wishes without his necessarily having to submit a woman to achieve that compliance. It's being 'actively controlled to do as he wishes' alongside what may be a greater or lesser element of 'actively controlled not to do what he wishes me not to do'.) I have posted comments about women who are pretty well 'in hand' already (as John has now said) - not in any way to imply that these women make a better 'catch' - simply to give another viewpoint.
I really don't like the D/s sites (or at least none I have ever seen so far appeal in the slightest) and the withered relationship that I'm now in began purely as spanking, and my view on that has changed ... so the LAST place I want to go is back to a D/s site, believe me. I don't want to be referred to as 'a sub' and I feel at home here for the first time in my life.
Thank you for the site, and I'll definitely keep reading.
by Alba on 2008 May 13 - 22:30 | reply to this comment
Taken in Hand marriages last
Real men do not want weak and subservient women so much as they want a woman of whom they can be proud and on whom they can depend.
More often that not, it is the woman - rather than the man - who realizes that she needs to be spanked. In fact, several women have said, one way or another, that women were physically and psychologically made to be spanked.
Despite delusions to the contrary, *Taken in Hand* is not a lifestyle. Rather it is a means of problem solving that evolved through millennia of human interaction. It has survived attempts at politically correct education because it is effective and is, most probably, encoded in the interaction of the genes.
That is why wives want husbands to behave like men as well as why they love and respect men for willing to take the. in hand. It also explains why - much to the chagrin of detractors - *Taken in Hand* marriages last.
by Noone (not logged in) on 2008 May 14 - 16:45 | reply to this comment
I think the name of this site says it all.
TAKEN In Hand
It isn't, 'Place Self In Hand'
I am an extremely confident Alpha woman.
I want a MAN who can out Alpha me just with his presence alone. I want/need to know that he CAN Take me In Hand.
And, since we are on the subject of 'dogs' - in the wild the Alpha of the pack usually mates with the Alpha female in the pack, not the meekest/mildest female.
I think this indicates that a ‘naturally’ Alpha male will be drawn to an Alpha female.
In my opinion, a man who is not naturally Alpha wants the benefits without having the prerequisites necessary for the position.
by a Taken In Hand reader on 2008 May 17 - 07:56 | reply to this comment
Women (and Men) are Different
Clearly some women want to be submitted by a man and others want to start off as submissive and don't wish to resist, while in the presence of a man who is commanding.
The latter woman needs to be more careful because she is not asking her man to demonstrate his prowess and trustworthiness over time. If she is submissive to begin with, she may not gather the requisite information about a man's character.
It is a reasonable position for a woman to start off as submissive, but perhaps such a woman should insist on a longer courtship.
Mike
by a Taken In Hand reader on 2008 May 17 - 15:15 | reply to this comment
Taken...
Good point that it is "taken in hand". The man needs to be active, to take, to act, to dominate.
I certainly agree if you're very submissive, as I am, they you need to be very careful to assess someone first, hold back from them, be cautious.
On this:
"To submit imples submitting to something. Submission to what? How is it possible in the absense of the man taking charge or dominating/controlling her?
Only in the human race would such a male ever be called dominant. In the animal kingdom being dominant means dominating, not being unable to do so until the other animal expresses submission. In the animal world the dominant animal makes the others submit.
A man that can't be dominant unless the woman is meekly submissive is simply not very dominant, he's not a man that will take charge or take control of her."
I agree. I've had a discussion about this before now. I feel submissive when someone is dominant or taking me in hand. If there is no sign of that at all because he's waiting for me to appear submissive then we just get completely stymied which is such a shame. On the other hand we can't have dominant men dragging women into their caves by the hair before they've even been introduced so they have to wait for some kind of sign or indication I suppose that she's at least interested. Or perhaps they just have been self confident enough to be able to cope with female rejection.
by Hera on 2008 May 17 - 23:00 | reply to this comment
Cat whisperer
This woman whispering really struck a chord for me- I'm someone who works well with animals, cats in particular. I used to have a number of cats over the years, and where I live in India, many of them were from the street, and didn't much trust most humans. It felt really good to be able to know how to calm and connect with them – domesticate them and give them a safe home – but as a child if I wasn't there to remind them of that connection, they'd quickly revert to wild behavior and run away...
[For the rest of this comment see Cat whisperer. - The Editor]
by Ophelia on 2008 May 22 - 06:22 | reply to this comment
It's true
My wife wasn't obedient when we started but she's good as gold now. A woman will change depending on how you treat her. Be calm and assertive with your woman and you can mold her as you want her.
by Max on 2008 May 25 - 17:10 | reply to this comment
Leaders of the Pack
“Confident Alpha Woman”, I had to laugh when I read your comments. I too am a very alpha female and will require a very strong alpha male to be my mate. Your pack example is right. The pack needs strong pups if it is to survive the rigors of life and that only happens if both parents are strong alpha types. In the pack the alpha female submits ONLY to the alpha male and keeps all others subordinate to herself. In life, most of us (alpha females) that are interested in a Taken In Hand relationship are seeking the man that is not only strong enough to bring us “to heel” but can keep us there. We need that ?ber male that can control our, shall we say, wilder aspects to our nature to keep us feeling safe and protected. None of us will be ingenious and pretend to be something we are not. For one thing it would be immediately sensed by the truly strong males we seek. We cannot hide what we are. Second, it is tiring to keep it up. I have much better things to do with that energy. If a man wishes to have a more submissive woman then more power to him. But if a man wants to have a partner that is strong enough to work with him to keep their love and relationship strong, he may need to look for a woman that has true alpha female personalities. She may need to be “taken” but the rewards will be well worth the battle.
Libby
by a Taken In Hand reader on 2008 Aug 18 - 20:10 | reply to this comment
I have to agree Alba
and this very demand of the OP, that men may not expect meek and mildness in a potential Taken In Hand mate is, quite ironically a prime example of precisely what to stand up to and subdue when one meets such a 'strong and independent' woman...
by Monad on 2008 Aug 19 - 16:13 | reply to this comment
Cannot but agree with you!!!
I absolutely agree when you suggest "a naturally Apha male will be drawn to an Alpha female" and would like to add that any Alpha female will only be drawn to a real Alpha male...
I am like you, a confident Alpha woman, successful in a "man's" job in what is considered the last "male" industry. Nobody would ever consider me submissive. Being the only female in our management team (very feminine though) I can keep any man at bay with just a glance. Nobody would ever dare to approach me in a non-professional way ... or ever think that I would love to have a dominant partner.
I'm still curiously waiting to meet a man who has more will power, more determination than I do, who would dare to conquer and enjoy the challenge. Isn't Beatrice's and Benedick's banter (much ado about nothing) just gorgeous?
I do not know much about issues related to Taken In Hand -- this is all rather new to me and this page is the first I have encountered -- but I know for sure that I do not value things given/achieved easily or shared with many. I'd expect my Alpha male to think the same and appreciate a good "fight" (now do not take fight literally! I am talking about the electricity and the friction of conquest - mentally and physically).
A real Alpha man is somebody who has proved to be superior and thus worth loyalty and obedience.
Lana
Monday, November 3, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Getting over your Approach Anxiety
1. People are generally nice to you even if they don't know you. Even the ones that aren't very nice, bitchy women included, will not be really mean to you unless you rally do something stupid. To be really mean shows they are socially retarded, or maybe they had a REALLY bad day. The worst i got was a chick turning her back to me and not talking to me (but i was an ass so i deserved it)
2. You are afraid that people will find out that you do pick-up and use pick-up material and that they will either laugh at you or shun you. I assure you that will never happen. Even if they were to know they would forget about you in the next couple of days. There will be no mob of villagers chasing you with pitchforks and torches shouting 'BURN HIM!", "he used canned material! BURN HIM!", "He tried to pick me up! BURN HIM!" - this will simply not happen.
after i realized this 2 more things came to me from various sources:
1. The world is my laboratory! I am allowed to experiment all I want! - this was huge for me. It got me into the "what would happen if i did this?" mentality and i just approached a group of girls. 7-10 minutes in i was dancing and making out with one of them.
2. Saying something is always better than saying nothing - i took this one from SINN. The man is a genius. This helped me overcome my main fear: not knowing what to say. So I say almost anything so that there are no moments of absolute silence. I throw in a neg, a small routine, a little material, whatever comes to mind. Some stuff hits, some doesn't, but I still do it. I experiment because i am allowed to and because i learn from this every time i go out.
2. You are afraid that people will find out that you do pick-up and use pick-up material and that they will either laugh at you or shun you. I assure you that will never happen. Even if they were to know they would forget about you in the next couple of days. There will be no mob of villagers chasing you with pitchforks and torches shouting 'BURN HIM!", "he used canned material! BURN HIM!", "He tried to pick me up! BURN HIM!" - this will simply not happen.
after i realized this 2 more things came to me from various sources:
1. The world is my laboratory! I am allowed to experiment all I want! - this was huge for me. It got me into the "what would happen if i did this?" mentality and i just approached a group of girls. 7-10 minutes in i was dancing and making out with one of them.
2. Saying something is always better than saying nothing - i took this one from SINN. The man is a genius. This helped me overcome my main fear: not knowing what to say. So I say almost anything so that there are no moments of absolute silence. I throw in a neg, a small routine, a little material, whatever comes to mind. Some stuff hits, some doesn't, but I still do it. I experiment because i am allowed to and because i learn from this every time i go out.
Cheat Sheet
Openers: (remember time constraints)
Jealous Girlfriend
Guys you need to help me settle this debate once and for all... This is... Like “Fate of the world” kind of stuff... You ready?... Beef... Or Chicken?
Hello hello
Opinion - New earring
Hey are you stalking me? - I’m so tired of hot women following me around all day, it gets annoying.
I’ve never been here before, what do you recommend? - Can I trust you? - If it’s bad we’re getting a divorce.
It’s a good thing you’re pretty (if they do something stupid)
Best friend predicament
You know what they say about girls who...
My friend is coming down from Sydney next weekend and she wants to know good clothes shops
Did you just touch my ass? – I’m not just some piece of meat, I have feelings too.
You like those too!? - I can already tell that we’d never get along, we’re too similar.
Are you guys shy? - I’ve been over there with my friends for 5 minutes and you didn’t even come over and say hi!
Good clubs, restaurants, cafe, activities.
You guys looks like SOO much fun. I had to come and say hi.
You ‘re really bad at staring contests aren’t you?
If you were going to flirt with me like that, you could have at least done your hair a little better.
Didn’t your mum ever tell you it was rude to stare?
How much did you have to pay those guys to stand there with you?
Attraction:
Disqualifiers: Cocky/Funny, Negs, Banter:
I think you have a confession to make... I just got out of the shower and there was a girl in the tree outside my window, and I SWEAR she looked just like you!
That’s all you get. Don’t get any ideas. (When a initiate kino)
Did you just call to flirt with me?
I don’t like the way you look at me... Like I’m some kind of sex object. I have feelings too.
But you can’t get drunk and try come home with me – “why not?” - Because I would rather go to your place
I don’t like you anymore. *****...
Stop undressing me with your eyes, you perv!
Don’t get any ideas. I’m not easy.
I reckon you and that bald guy in the corner will make a REALLY cute couple, let’s go over there and introduce you. *smile*
Look, this isn’t working out, we’re going to have to get a divorce. You’re too controlling.
Look, this isn’t working, I’m getting us a divorce before we even get married.
Keep your pants on missy!
Stop trying to impress me.
You better get back to your friends before they realise you’re over here flirting with me... But before you go... (Time constraint)
Are you always like this? Or just with guys you’re attracted to?
Stop looking at me like a fat kid looks at a cheese burger
Whatever woman, go make me a sandwich.
Jesus, how to you turn her off?
Is she always like this?
Are you drunk or always like this?
Is she always so grabby/needy/controlling/demanding?
Nice shoes, what, are you like an oompa loompa without them?
Nice shoes... Some poor homeless kid must be running around barefoot right now.
Oh my God! Your shirt has cuts in it. It looks like you were taken down by a police dog!
You POOR THING! You’re too poor to afford the FULL shirt! Do you want a dollar or
something? We got to get you a real shirt! Come on I’m taking you shopping at k-mart.
Hey ADD, show’s over here!
You would.
I can already tell that we’d never get along... We’d just fight all the time and I’d win.
I can already tell that we’d never get along... We’d just fight all the time... Then have awesome makeup sex.
I can already tell that we’d never get along... We’re too similar.
Yeah, I didn’t want to say anything *smile* (when she complains about her looks)
Say’s the girl who [insert how she was trying to hit on you or some funny characteristic]
You’re being demoted to hand holding ONLY
I’m not just some piece of meat/sex object! I have feelings too you know...
Look that was really funny, I’ll give you a medal for that...
Note to self: DO NOT DATE THIS GIRL.
Stop flirting with me!
You can undress me in your head and there is nothing I can do about it... I feel so vulnerable.
Yeah, yeah... I know why you want to get me drunk...
This is a great spot for me, I'm really well-lit.
You’re getting me all emotional. I promised my friends I wouldn’t go home with anyone tonight.
Something smells great in here. Oh, it’s me.
You guys are trouble.
You guys are bad girls. I have to watch out for you
OMG you’re so annoying, you remind me of my sister!
You’re bad. You’re making me think impure thoughts.
You’re a total player, my mum warned me about girls like you!
OH MY GOD! You’re such a brat!
OHHH you dork. I’m going to get you one of those hats with the propeller on it.
We need to get you one of those sippy cups (that baby’s use) (if in a cafe)
It’s a good thing you’re pretty (if she says something retarded)
You’re retarded. Go sit in the corner and put on your helmet.
(Beat them in a game.) OMG you suck at this! But you can cook right?
That was MEAN! You owe me a massage for that. UPPER BODY ONLY! I don’t want you getting any ideas this early on in our relationship.
I’m too high maintenance for you.
You’re so outside the circle of trust.
You’re such a player.
Isn’t this a school night?
We need to find you a guy
Seriously if you don’t stop hitting on me, I’m getting a restraining order
Only on 3 conditions: 1) NO flirting with me. 2) NO checking me out. 3) NO touching! Break any of those and there’s consequences...
I’m going to have to ask for your managers contact information - “are you serious?” - Do I look serious? I don’t appreciate you treating my friend and I like a piece of meat... - I’ll tell you what... I won’t call your manager if you give me your number so I can call you up and we can take you to nymphomaniacs anonymous to help you curve your sexual appetite.
I LOVE your hair, it reminds me of a birds nest.
I LOVE your hair, it makes your head look normal.
Nice shoes. I bet they looked REALLY nice when they were new.
DHV’s, games, experiments, tests:
93% of women masturbate in the shower, the other 7% sing.
Cube
Strawberry fields
White room, Favourite colour, Favourite Animal, Out at sea
5 question game
Dance-o-meter
Make you say 13
Pick a number between 50 and 100 routine
Staring contest
Finger jousting
Thumb wars
Figure 8
Trust test
Fuck, Marry, Kill.
Ring finger routine
Gold stars
Latin dance move
Mood ring
Best friend’s test
Kiss game (who knows more different kisses)
Ring transportation routine
Who can be quiet the longest.
Qualification:
What 3 things about you would make me want to get to know you better when I could be speaking to anyone in this room right now? You can’t say your look’s though because beauty is common.
Can you cook?
Is she house trained?
You’re much too classy to be in a place like this, I can tell you are the dominant girl of your group. (If obstacle tries to take her away all you have to say is “Who’s the dominant one is all i have to say” and she will want to fit the image you made for her.
Are you adventurous? Well what’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
I LOVE girls adventurous/spontaneous... I’m still not sure if you are or not
You can be my new girlfriend. OH WAIT! Can you cook?
You can be my new wife for the next 15 minutes!
Too bad you’re not my type or I’d SO hook up with you right now...
You’re really cool... Too bad you’re not my type... (get into how you love adventurous girls)
I’m too high maintenance for you.
You're nothing that you seem
Your laugh is a disease
I’m too old for you. Actually you just wouldn’t be able to handle me, I’m too adventurous and energetic.
Shit test replies:
Glad you like it. So what else do you like about me?
Looks like someone put on their cranky pants this morning
If that were true, you wouldn’t love me.
Give me a kiss on the cheek and I’ll consider letting you forgive me
Lighten up you loser
Awwww you’re so cute when you’re angry
Jeeeez, you’re so power hungry, reminds me of Rocky. He’s my little jack Russel but he is DOMINANT... Once I took him to the park to introduce him to my ex’s dog, this massive German
Sheppard ect ect (Manuver conversation away from negative emotions)
Stop looking at me like a fat kid looks at a cheese burger
Na, well done that was really funny. Anyways... (Roll off)
Comfort:
You know, you're a cool/good/nice girl, despite what everyone else says about you. (During comfort)
My first impression of you was kind of not that great but not that I got to know you, you are amazing. (During comfort)
My first impression of you was kind of sucky, like I didn’t feel nervous at all. Now that I’ve gotten to know you, I’m becoming nervous... Now you’re important to me.
You are quickly becoming the most interesting person I have ever met.
I’m willing to bet that there is so much more about you that others never get to see. I get that same feeling about myself sometimes.
You hide behind that god-given face of yours, though I’m willing to bet that we’re more alike than we first thought. We have all the friends and lovers in the world, yet something is missing... For me, that’s something is love... Only you know what that is for you...
We should totally go on our honeymoon right now... I'd take you to my private island in the Caribbean... Where we'd just lie on white sand with BIG coconuts... listening to the water and admiring the romantic... Red sunset together.... THEN we'd sail on OUR yacht to my mansion in Italy, where it'd be just you and me... And my 10 other wives... And I'll get you a beautiful red Ferrari... Bumper car... So that my loving wife doesn't hurt herself when she crashes *Hug*
Misc:
All the other girls in the room are so jealous of you right now. (Whilst walking with a girl across the room)
It would be rude not to. (People more likely to comply to the social norms)
You remind me of a power puff girl!
You guys totally remind me of like good cop/Bad cop. You know what I want to do to you guys? Dress you up in a sexy red latex outfit with a tail and horns and a trident and dress you up as an angel with a sexy WHITE latex outfit with wings and a halo. I’ll dress as god and you walk on either side of me like this (walk with both girls on either side of you) and we’ll get up to mischief, I’m allowed since I’m god, we could even make out in front of a church and it’s allowed.
Oh, you're getting fiesty, huh? You know what I would do with you? I would dress you up.... in a red.. PVC... *devil* outfit.. You'd have little horns like this... and a tail... ***** boots, and..... a pitch fork. Now your friend here.. I'd dress her up in a similar angel outfit.. with wings.. and a fur halo.. and I'd roll with you guys on each arm down the street.. Every girl would be jealous of you.. And whenever I'd have to make a decision.. I'd let each of you fight over which decision is the most fun.. and whatever one would be the most fun.. we'd do that. (the periods are to show the pacing, because they roll over laughing in between every pause)
So how do you all know each other?
It’s your pleasure to meet me
Kiss Closes:
Tell me. On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of a kisser are you? - Well let’s find out
Would you like to kiss me?
You smell so good... I’m trying so hard not to kiss you right now... (push her away, when she leans back in go for the k-close)
You know. Instead of trying to hint it you could have just asked me if I wanted to kiss you... Do you know what I’d have said?... Nothing... ... But I would have done this.
Close your eyes.
Just looking at you I can tell what type of kisser you are. I’m kinda hungry. – “WHAT TYPE OF KISSER??” – I’ll tell you – (Kiss close) – An average one
Funny occupations:
The guy who drills holes in Swiss cheese.
Disposable cigarette lighter repairman.
Dolphin shaver – “THERE IS NO SUCH THING” – Well have you ever seen a hairy dolphin?
Professional kissing instructor... But don’t get any ideas, I don't do free sessions.
Jealous Girlfriend
Guys you need to help me settle this debate once and for all... This is... Like “Fate of the world” kind of stuff... You ready?... Beef... Or Chicken?
Hello hello
Opinion - New earring
Hey are you stalking me? - I’m so tired of hot women following me around all day, it gets annoying.
I’ve never been here before, what do you recommend? - Can I trust you? - If it’s bad we’re getting a divorce.
It’s a good thing you’re pretty (if they do something stupid)
Best friend predicament
You know what they say about girls who...
My friend is coming down from Sydney next weekend and she wants to know good clothes shops
Did you just touch my ass? – I’m not just some piece of meat, I have feelings too.
You like those too!? - I can already tell that we’d never get along, we’re too similar.
Are you guys shy? - I’ve been over there with my friends for 5 minutes and you didn’t even come over and say hi!
Good clubs, restaurants, cafe, activities.
You guys looks like SOO much fun. I had to come and say hi.
You ‘re really bad at staring contests aren’t you?
If you were going to flirt with me like that, you could have at least done your hair a little better.
Didn’t your mum ever tell you it was rude to stare?
How much did you have to pay those guys to stand there with you?
Attraction:
Disqualifiers: Cocky/Funny, Negs, Banter:
I think you have a confession to make... I just got out of the shower and there was a girl in the tree outside my window, and I SWEAR she looked just like you!
That’s all you get. Don’t get any ideas. (When a initiate kino)
Did you just call to flirt with me?
I don’t like the way you look at me... Like I’m some kind of sex object. I have feelings too.
But you can’t get drunk and try come home with me – “why not?” - Because I would rather go to your place
I don’t like you anymore. *****...
Stop undressing me with your eyes, you perv!
Don’t get any ideas. I’m not easy.
I reckon you and that bald guy in the corner will make a REALLY cute couple, let’s go over there and introduce you. *smile*
Look, this isn’t working out, we’re going to have to get a divorce. You’re too controlling.
Look, this isn’t working, I’m getting us a divorce before we even get married.
Keep your pants on missy!
Stop trying to impress me.
You better get back to your friends before they realise you’re over here flirting with me... But before you go... (Time constraint)
Are you always like this? Or just with guys you’re attracted to?
Stop looking at me like a fat kid looks at a cheese burger
Whatever woman, go make me a sandwich.
Jesus, how to you turn her off?
Is she always like this?
Are you drunk or always like this?
Is she always so grabby/needy/controlling/demanding?
Nice shoes, what, are you like an oompa loompa without them?
Nice shoes... Some poor homeless kid must be running around barefoot right now.
Oh my God! Your shirt has cuts in it. It looks like you were taken down by a police dog!
You POOR THING! You’re too poor to afford the FULL shirt! Do you want a dollar or
something? We got to get you a real shirt! Come on I’m taking you shopping at k-mart.
Hey ADD, show’s over here!
You would.
I can already tell that we’d never get along... We’d just fight all the time and I’d win.
I can already tell that we’d never get along... We’d just fight all the time... Then have awesome makeup sex.
I can already tell that we’d never get along... We’re too similar.
Yeah, I didn’t want to say anything *smile* (when she complains about her looks)
Say’s the girl who [insert how she was trying to hit on you or some funny characteristic]
You’re being demoted to hand holding ONLY
I’m not just some piece of meat/sex object! I have feelings too you know...
Look that was really funny, I’ll give you a medal for that...
Note to self: DO NOT DATE THIS GIRL.
Stop flirting with me!
You can undress me in your head and there is nothing I can do about it... I feel so vulnerable.
Yeah, yeah... I know why you want to get me drunk...
This is a great spot for me, I'm really well-lit.
You’re getting me all emotional. I promised my friends I wouldn’t go home with anyone tonight.
Something smells great in here. Oh, it’s me.
You guys are trouble.
You guys are bad girls. I have to watch out for you
OMG you’re so annoying, you remind me of my sister!
You’re bad. You’re making me think impure thoughts.
You’re a total player, my mum warned me about girls like you!
OH MY GOD! You’re such a brat!
OHHH you dork. I’m going to get you one of those hats with the propeller on it.
We need to get you one of those sippy cups (that baby’s use) (if in a cafe)
It’s a good thing you’re pretty (if she says something retarded)
You’re retarded. Go sit in the corner and put on your helmet.
(Beat them in a game.) OMG you suck at this! But you can cook right?
That was MEAN! You owe me a massage for that. UPPER BODY ONLY! I don’t want you getting any ideas this early on in our relationship.
I’m too high maintenance for you.
You’re so outside the circle of trust.
You’re such a player.
Isn’t this a school night?
We need to find you a guy
Seriously if you don’t stop hitting on me, I’m getting a restraining order
Only on 3 conditions: 1) NO flirting with me. 2) NO checking me out. 3) NO touching! Break any of those and there’s consequences...
I’m going to have to ask for your managers contact information - “are you serious?” - Do I look serious? I don’t appreciate you treating my friend and I like a piece of meat... - I’ll tell you what... I won’t call your manager if you give me your number so I can call you up and we can take you to nymphomaniacs anonymous to help you curve your sexual appetite.
I LOVE your hair, it reminds me of a birds nest.
I LOVE your hair, it makes your head look normal.
Nice shoes. I bet they looked REALLY nice when they were new.
DHV’s, games, experiments, tests:
93% of women masturbate in the shower, the other 7% sing.
Cube
Strawberry fields
White room, Favourite colour, Favourite Animal, Out at sea
5 question game
Dance-o-meter
Make you say 13
Pick a number between 50 and 100 routine
Staring contest
Finger jousting
Thumb wars
Figure 8
Trust test
Fuck, Marry, Kill.
Ring finger routine
Gold stars
Latin dance move
Mood ring
Best friend’s test
Kiss game (who knows more different kisses)
Ring transportation routine
Who can be quiet the longest.
Qualification:
What 3 things about you would make me want to get to know you better when I could be speaking to anyone in this room right now? You can’t say your look’s though because beauty is common.
Can you cook?
Is she house trained?
You’re much too classy to be in a place like this, I can tell you are the dominant girl of your group. (If obstacle tries to take her away all you have to say is “Who’s the dominant one is all i have to say” and she will want to fit the image you made for her.
Are you adventurous? Well what’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
I LOVE girls adventurous/spontaneous... I’m still not sure if you are or not
You can be my new girlfriend. OH WAIT! Can you cook?
You can be my new wife for the next 15 minutes!
Too bad you’re not my type or I’d SO hook up with you right now...
You’re really cool... Too bad you’re not my type... (get into how you love adventurous girls)
I’m too high maintenance for you.
You're nothing that you seem
Your laugh is a disease
I’m too old for you. Actually you just wouldn’t be able to handle me, I’m too adventurous and energetic.
Shit test replies:
Glad you like it. So what else do you like about me?
Looks like someone put on their cranky pants this morning
If that were true, you wouldn’t love me.
Give me a kiss on the cheek and I’ll consider letting you forgive me
Lighten up you loser
Awwww you’re so cute when you’re angry
Jeeeez, you’re so power hungry, reminds me of Rocky. He’s my little jack Russel but he is DOMINANT... Once I took him to the park to introduce him to my ex’s dog, this massive German
Sheppard ect ect (Manuver conversation away from negative emotions)
Stop looking at me like a fat kid looks at a cheese burger
Na, well done that was really funny. Anyways... (Roll off)
Comfort:
You know, you're a cool/good/nice girl, despite what everyone else says about you. (During comfort)
My first impression of you was kind of not that great but not that I got to know you, you are amazing. (During comfort)
My first impression of you was kind of sucky, like I didn’t feel nervous at all. Now that I’ve gotten to know you, I’m becoming nervous... Now you’re important to me.
You are quickly becoming the most interesting person I have ever met.
I’m willing to bet that there is so much more about you that others never get to see. I get that same feeling about myself sometimes.
You hide behind that god-given face of yours, though I’m willing to bet that we’re more alike than we first thought. We have all the friends and lovers in the world, yet something is missing... For me, that’s something is love... Only you know what that is for you...
We should totally go on our honeymoon right now... I'd take you to my private island in the Caribbean... Where we'd just lie on white sand with BIG coconuts... listening to the water and admiring the romantic... Red sunset together.... THEN we'd sail on OUR yacht to my mansion in Italy, where it'd be just you and me... And my 10 other wives... And I'll get you a beautiful red Ferrari... Bumper car... So that my loving wife doesn't hurt herself when she crashes *Hug*
Misc:
All the other girls in the room are so jealous of you right now. (Whilst walking with a girl across the room)
It would be rude not to. (People more likely to comply to the social norms)
You remind me of a power puff girl!
You guys totally remind me of like good cop/Bad cop. You know what I want to do to you guys? Dress you up in a sexy red latex outfit with a tail and horns and a trident and dress you up as an angel with a sexy WHITE latex outfit with wings and a halo. I’ll dress as god and you walk on either side of me like this (walk with both girls on either side of you) and we’ll get up to mischief, I’m allowed since I’m god, we could even make out in front of a church and it’s allowed.
Oh, you're getting fiesty, huh? You know what I would do with you? I would dress you up.... in a red.. PVC... *devil* outfit.. You'd have little horns like this... and a tail... ***** boots, and..... a pitch fork. Now your friend here.. I'd dress her up in a similar angel outfit.. with wings.. and a fur halo.. and I'd roll with you guys on each arm down the street.. Every girl would be jealous of you.. And whenever I'd have to make a decision.. I'd let each of you fight over which decision is the most fun.. and whatever one would be the most fun.. we'd do that. (the periods are to show the pacing, because they roll over laughing in between every pause)
So how do you all know each other?
It’s your pleasure to meet me
Kiss Closes:
Tell me. On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of a kisser are you? - Well let’s find out
Would you like to kiss me?
You smell so good... I’m trying so hard not to kiss you right now... (push her away, when she leans back in go for the k-close)
You know. Instead of trying to hint it you could have just asked me if I wanted to kiss you... Do you know what I’d have said?... Nothing... ... But I would have done this.
Close your eyes.
Just looking at you I can tell what type of kisser you are. I’m kinda hungry. – “WHAT TYPE OF KISSER??” – I’ll tell you – (Kiss close) – An average one
Funny occupations:
The guy who drills holes in Swiss cheese.
Disposable cigarette lighter repairman.
Dolphin shaver – “THERE IS NO SUCH THING” – Well have you ever seen a hairy dolphin?
Professional kissing instructor... But don’t get any ideas, I don't do free sessions.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
David Wygant-Walk Away Essay
Walk Away By David Wygant
In order to grab the woman that you want, you need to learn the art of walking away. Most men will not walk away.
What happens to most men is that they’ll go to a party, find a woman they want to talk to, smother her, and they won’t leave… this results in the woman’s attraction level dropping each minute this continues. The opposite result occurs, i.e., the attraction increases, when you walk away from a woman to whom you’re most attracted.
Take this example. You walk up to talk to a woman you’re really attracted to, you connect and have a good conversation with her for a couple of minutes, and then… you walk away. When you walk away, it gives her a moment to reflect and to think “That guy just walked away. No one just walks away. Most men smother me. How come this guy just walked away?”
It creates powerful intrigue in her mind. She’s wondering who you are, what you’re all about, and how you could walk away from her. It creates incredible attraction on her part.
So then what will happen is she will find a way to find you again at the party. Or, you’ll walk around that party and the minute she sees you, she’ll plant a very seductive, sexy smile on you so you stop. Or, she’ll talk to you about something going on at the moment or ask you a question to reignite the conversation that she was having with you before.
Most guys are afraid to walk away from a woman they’re really attracted to, because it took a lot of nerve to talk to her in the first place. What you learn when you practice speaking to a lot of different women, however, is that walking away from a woman you’re interested in is the only way to see whether or not you’ve connected with her. When you’re in Smotherville - smothering a woman with conversation that may or may not be going anywhere - you’re just talking to her in random thoughts and thus not really knowing if you connect with her or not.
Why do women always go for the “bad boy?” Why do women always go for the guy who doesn’t like them or doesn’t pay them any attention? Because that man has learned the art of “the walk away.”
You need to learn and perfect the art of the walk away, and you need to use it the next time you see a beautiful woman and you talk to her. This is what you’ll do:
After you’ve been talking to her for a few minutes, you need to walk away, let her simmer for five or six minutes or… twenty minutes, and let her see you talking to other people. It’s going to bring out an incredible competitive fire in her, especially if you’re speaking with other women. It doesn’t matter what the women look like, it’s sufficient that they’re just other women. Or, if you’re speaking to men, it also works if everyone is laughing because you’re giving them the best of you. All of the sudden that woman is simmering so much, that she’s going to come back because you have the power of the walk away.
You have to master the power of the walk away in order to attract beautiful women everywhere you go. This is because women love a leader, and women love men who can walk away from something right at the height of the conversation. It’s going to make them want more… and that’s what you need to create. You need to create desire in women, so they want you more.
In order to grab the woman that you want, you need to learn the art of walking away. Most men will not walk away.
What happens to most men is that they’ll go to a party, find a woman they want to talk to, smother her, and they won’t leave… this results in the woman’s attraction level dropping each minute this continues. The opposite result occurs, i.e., the attraction increases, when you walk away from a woman to whom you’re most attracted.
Take this example. You walk up to talk to a woman you’re really attracted to, you connect and have a good conversation with her for a couple of minutes, and then… you walk away. When you walk away, it gives her a moment to reflect and to think “That guy just walked away. No one just walks away. Most men smother me. How come this guy just walked away?”
It creates powerful intrigue in her mind. She’s wondering who you are, what you’re all about, and how you could walk away from her. It creates incredible attraction on her part.
So then what will happen is she will find a way to find you again at the party. Or, you’ll walk around that party and the minute she sees you, she’ll plant a very seductive, sexy smile on you so you stop. Or, she’ll talk to you about something going on at the moment or ask you a question to reignite the conversation that she was having with you before.
Most guys are afraid to walk away from a woman they’re really attracted to, because it took a lot of nerve to talk to her in the first place. What you learn when you practice speaking to a lot of different women, however, is that walking away from a woman you’re interested in is the only way to see whether or not you’ve connected with her. When you’re in Smotherville - smothering a woman with conversation that may or may not be going anywhere - you’re just talking to her in random thoughts and thus not really knowing if you connect with her or not.
Why do women always go for the “bad boy?” Why do women always go for the guy who doesn’t like them or doesn’t pay them any attention? Because that man has learned the art of “the walk away.”
You need to learn and perfect the art of the walk away, and you need to use it the next time you see a beautiful woman and you talk to her. This is what you’ll do:
After you’ve been talking to her for a few minutes, you need to walk away, let her simmer for five or six minutes or… twenty minutes, and let her see you talking to other people. It’s going to bring out an incredible competitive fire in her, especially if you’re speaking with other women. It doesn’t matter what the women look like, it’s sufficient that they’re just other women. Or, if you’re speaking to men, it also works if everyone is laughing because you’re giving them the best of you. All of the sudden that woman is simmering so much, that she’s going to come back because you have the power of the walk away.
You have to master the power of the walk away in order to attract beautiful women everywhere you go. This is because women love a leader, and women love men who can walk away from something right at the height of the conversation. It’s going to make them want more… and that’s what you need to create. You need to create desire in women, so they want you more.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Shit Test Cheat Sheet
Like most guys, when I first started I wanted the perfect line for each test. It's not so much about the lines, but rather the way you respond.
When faced with a Frame Test you have 5 different ways you can respond.
Each type of response gets you + or - attraction points.
For this example, we will look at when things are going great and all of a sudden a girl accuses you of being a player. However, this cheat sheet will work for most other tests.
__________________________________________________ _________
1. Getting upset by a test or losing control of your emotions (-2 PTS)
Hb: Are you a player?
I don't know. I mean, No. I am not a player! No, really. Do you believe me? (guy starts pouting) I can't believe you don't believe me.
2. Responding to the test with logic (-1 PT)
Well lets see, my last GF was in March, 2001. We decided to take a break because she needed to focus on her school work. So... no, I'm not a player.
3. Ignore test and cut thread. (+1 PT)
4. Agree with her & exaggerate. Diffuse with humor. (+2 PTS)
Yep, I'm a total pimp. I have 22, no wait counting you that's 23 GFs. It's kinda hard pleasing all of them in bed at the same time.
This is what most people do (C&F). It works, no doubt. But there is an even better way.
5. Reframe the test as she is attracted to you. (+3 PTS)
Hb: You are probably a player. I'm not fooled.
6yc: So, tell me something. When did you first realize... (pause) you were attracted to me?
Pull her close and kiss her
Here is a recent example of a test I got during an IM conversation.
Hb: Hey, I saw pictures of you from the party last night. Looks like you were hitting on every girl. Are you a player?
6yc: So...you were checking me out huh? Hmmm...
Notice how I ignore her thread (+1) and reframe her test (are you a player?) as she was sitting home and staring at my picture all day (+3).
Take tests for what they are. She wants you.
Reframing (#5) also works well for AMOGs and other people in your life who try to lower your value. Just replace (attracted) with (person is trying to get you to like him b/c he is insecure)
For example
Amog (TD): Wicked shirt dude. My little sister has the same one... but with like the little stripes on it.
6yc: (Laughing) Bro, you don't have to keep trying so hard to get me to like you. I already told you, you are a cool guy.
So next time anyone tests your frame, whether it be your girlfriend or that annoying guy at work, see how many + or -points you got based on your type of response.
Review
-2 pts) you get mad or upset
-1 pt) you use logic
+1 pt) you ignore the test
+2 pts) you agree with the test & exaggerate it (C&F?)
+3 pts) you reframe the test as she is attracted to you
Knowing how to deal with tests correctly is probably the #1 skill you will need in having a successful LTR. If you think you get tested a lot out in the field...just wait until you are dealing with MLTRs (lol)
6YC
No girl ever left a guy because he was too much of a challenge
When faced with a Frame Test you have 5 different ways you can respond.
Each type of response gets you + or - attraction points.
For this example, we will look at when things are going great and all of a sudden a girl accuses you of being a player. However, this cheat sheet will work for most other tests.
__________________________________________________ _________
1. Getting upset by a test or losing control of your emotions (-2 PTS)
Hb: Are you a player?
I don't know. I mean, No. I am not a player! No, really. Do you believe me? (guy starts pouting) I can't believe you don't believe me.
2. Responding to the test with logic (-1 PT)
Well lets see, my last GF was in March, 2001. We decided to take a break because she needed to focus on her school work. So... no, I'm not a player.
3. Ignore test and cut thread. (+1 PT)
4. Agree with her & exaggerate. Diffuse with humor. (+2 PTS)
Yep, I'm a total pimp. I have 22, no wait counting you that's 23 GFs. It's kinda hard pleasing all of them in bed at the same time.
This is what most people do (C&F). It works, no doubt. But there is an even better way.
5. Reframe the test as she is attracted to you. (+3 PTS)
Hb: You are probably a player. I'm not fooled.
6yc: So, tell me something. When did you first realize... (pause) you were attracted to me?
Pull her close and kiss her
Here is a recent example of a test I got during an IM conversation.
Hb: Hey, I saw pictures of you from the party last night. Looks like you were hitting on every girl. Are you a player?
6yc: So...you were checking me out huh? Hmmm...
Notice how I ignore her thread (+1) and reframe her test (are you a player?) as she was sitting home and staring at my picture all day (+3).
Take tests for what they are. She wants you.
Reframing (#5) also works well for AMOGs and other people in your life who try to lower your value. Just replace (attracted) with (person is trying to get you to like him b/c he is insecure)
For example
Amog (TD): Wicked shirt dude. My little sister has the same one... but with like the little stripes on it.
6yc: (Laughing) Bro, you don't have to keep trying so hard to get me to like you. I already told you, you are a cool guy.
So next time anyone tests your frame, whether it be your girlfriend or that annoying guy at work, see how many + or -points you got based on your type of response.
Review
-2 pts) you get mad or upset
-1 pt) you use logic
+1 pt) you ignore the test
+2 pts) you agree with the test & exaggerate it (C&F?)
+3 pts) you reframe the test as she is attracted to you
Knowing how to deal with tests correctly is probably the #1 skill you will need in having a successful LTR. If you think you get tested a lot out in the field...just wait until you are dealing with MLTRs (lol)
6YC
No girl ever left a guy because he was too much of a challenge
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Xuma Podcast 138
- Don't weasel your way into dating someone. Don't date someone without them even knowing you have intentions of dating them.
- Do not be the emotional man for women, you will get stuck in friend zone. You must first give some sort of sexual intention towards her first, before you can be that for her.
- Women do not want to be your everything. Have boundaries and standards in your life and don not be afraid to show her what they are.
- She can not have the feeling that she could never do anything wrong, that she could do anything she wanted to you and you would never leave.
- Know what you want in a women. Do not just settle with every attractive girl that gives you attention.
- Get comfortable taking chances in your life.
- If a girl rejects you, she's not really rejecting the real you. So don't worry about it. She doesn't know enough about you to be rejecting the actual you.
- Get OK with being rejected, the fact that you can do this and not let it bother you is very attractive to women
Gunwitch/Way of the Gun-Inner Game
- Know that the drive for sex is just as important to women as it is to men.
- Women are conditioned to hide their desire for sex, so as not to look like a slut among their piers
- Women actually want sex as much as or more than men
- The myth that women only like jerks and not nice guys is just that, a myth. It's actually just an excuse used by nice guys who aren't getting laid. It is backed up by the fact that they aren't getting laid and they just say, 'well it's because I am a nice guy'. It's a vicious circle.
- Do not be needy, you can still be a good guy, just be a sexual being. Feel your desire and run with it.
- Don't try to be sneaky. Just to hang around, be friends and the try to back door your way into a relationship.
- Acting disinterested in a girl is a farce as well. It may work in a round about way to do this, but it is much quicker and just as successful to be direct with your desires towards her without all the little games.
- Don't feel you always need to be 'on' with your sense of humor. Don't try so hard and put so much pressure on yourself to be funny. If a girl is attracted to a guy, she will laugh with him on just about anything he says.
- Men are so preoccupied trying to be different they don't realize they just need to be a masculine man.
- Do not worry about what people think of your girl, only care about what you think of her.
- You do not need money or material things to get women, this is not what they are attracted to.
- A popular misconception is hot girls are stuck up, this is simply just not true.
- Often, a girl you view as a 10 will think that you are a higher rating as well. It's a biological fact that when you find someone your genuinely attracted to they will have a higher amount of attraction towards you than someone that looks just like you but doesn't they are attractive.
- If you approach someone who is hot to you, ecspecially face wise, you will have much more success than if you were to approach a girl who you just find as average and feel you are settling for.
- Women are more submissive by nature. They are attracted by the dominant energy of a man. Be passive as few times as possible around women.
- Workout, play sports, eat right...do all of this to increase your testosterone. Women pick up on this and are drawn to it.
- Stop jacking off, this decreases your testosterone and weakens your desire to be with a women.
- Never think that another guy is better than you.
- Do not take shit from people with a smile. Push for the uncomfortable situation, do not be a doormat.
- Always view yourself as a real man. One that will protect her and your family.
- Keep eye contact. Never look down first.
- People are always more worried what you think of them than what they think of you.
- Your will power is the sexiest thing you own.
- Think in terms of a car salesmen. A bad car salesmen sees a customer and tries to talk up the average car so much that it ends up pushing the customer away and leaves him wondering what's wrong with this car that he's trying so hard to cover up. The good salesmen talks about everything but the car assuming that the car will sell itself.
Gunwitch/Way of the Gun-Logistics
- Keep your grooming and house up everyday as if you could get laid that very day.
- Make sure you know what you want in a girl
- Pick girls that are dressed sexier, they tend to be the ones looking
- Though rare, look for a girl who is by herself. Much easier to approach and dominate the frame
- When she starts giving strong sexual signals, get out fast. Move her, get her isolated.
- Don't play too hard to get, especially if she is already showing signs of being into you
- Forget the ego that comes with being a PUA, like every interaction has to go perfect or you are not a great one
Gunwitch/Way of the Gun-Outter Game
- Do not be submissive, a jerk or a spaz
- When you offer to buy a girl a drink, basically you are asking her if she would talk to you for 6$
- Don't be an asshole, just be a man
- Don't spaz out. Keep yourself under control. Slow things down. Don't figit.
- Never break the initial eye contact first. This will give you the first impression of being the dominant one to her.
- Keep your head up, look confident.
- Walk with a little swagger
- Stand with a wider stance
- Take up more space when you sit
- Do not let people interrupt you. Just keep talking over them if they do till you are the dominant one
- Buy some boots.
- Act like you are a man who is wanted and desired and act accordingly
- After the initial approach, make her feel comfortable. Assume report with her, act as if you have known each other for some while
- Talking about TV shows is a great way to build report
- Use pop culture and observations in your setting to build conversations with her instead of generic questions
- Don't try so hard to be funny
- Assume sexual report with her
- Be strong in your own frame. Make her drawn to it and believe in your reality
- Do not be afraid to hijack her frame
- When you walk into a bar, pause, take your time...cool...look around and take in the surroundings. Never head straight for the bar to get a drink or the bathroom.
Gunwitch/Way of the Gun-Availability
- When you get rejected know that it has nothing to do with you and it is all on them
- Make yourself a sexually available man
- No more masturbating
- Try approaching sober
- If you always play not to lose, you will never win, just go for it
- Do not let your pride get in the way
- Opposed to popular belief, hot girls really don't get approached that much. Men are too intimidated by them
- Don't try to use an extensive game plan on your first approach, you will have too much too worry about
- Socially girls aren't allowed to approach, so they will do other things to get your attention. Watch for these..such as batting eyes, curling hair with finger, biting lip, rumaging loudly through purse
- Be a notch louder and more talkative than others at any social setting. Displays your dominance
- Don't ask a girl on your approach if you can buy her a drink or if she'd like to dance
Gunwitch/Way of the Gun-Availability
- When you get rejected know that it has nothing to do with you and it is all on them
- Make yourself a sexually available man
- No more masturbating
- Try approaching sober
- If you always play not to lose, you will never win, just go for it
- Do not let your pride get in the way
- Opposed to popular belief, hot girls really don't get approached that much. Men are too intimidated by them
- Don't try to use an extensive game plan on your first approach, you will have too much too worry about
- Socially girls aren't allowed to approach, so they will do other things to get your attention. Watch for these..such as batting eyes, curling hair with finger, biting lip, rumaging loudly through purse
- Be a notch louder and more talkative than others at any social setting. Displays your dominance
- Don't ask a girl on your approach if you can buy her a drink or if she'd like to dance
Monday, October 20, 2008
Richard LaRuina Interviews-Gambler
- If you do enough approaches you will begin to realize that they will generally go well. Girls are nice in general and your fear is in your head
- Once you get it you get it and you will only get better.
- PUA's are not Gods. They get blown out of sets, they don't get as hot of girls as you may think. Stop making them out to be more than they are, they are just like you and you can have as much success as you can handle.
- Gambler uses no canned material anymore
Vince Kelvin Podcast-Opening Non Verbally
- Learn to create akward moments and embrace them. Learn to actually enjoy those moments and look forward to being in them
- Be aware of how expressive you are. Smile more, ecspecially when being Cocky/Funny. If you go in without a smile they will think you are just being a dick. Smile more in all phases of your life anyways.
- Never hesitate on an approach, just go. The more you think the more you think of ways to talk yourself out of it
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Scott McKay-Online Dating Domination Notes
- Start your emails with Re:
- Use something in her profile as header in your email
- lookbetteronline.com and get some examples
- Show girls outside your area your profile and get input from them
- poddating.com
- flirtingintraffic.com
- divorcedpeoplemeet.com
- elitemate.com
- okcupid.com
- hotornot.com
- Get date widgets to increase your social network
- Don't use smileys, winks, cute images or even lol's. They are not masculine. Instead use something like [laughs].
- Never copy and paste emails. Find something, anything, in her profile that you can email her about.
- Do not use email fluff. Jump right into what you are looking for, be direct and keep it short. Always close with your name.
- Your first date should not be a dinner and a movie.
- Make sure you are posting good pictures.
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